small things are important

So, one really important thing I noticed whilst being unable to take a crap without 4 people (3 to turn me, one to wipe my arse) for 6 weeks, was how seemingly tiny things become incredibly important. I always feel a complete loss of control over my destiny when in hospital, but this time was hardcore.

So when the people 'log rolling' me treated me casually and made jokes over me as if I wasn't there it really got to me, I felt like a piece of meat and I am now very sensitive and aware of it. Lots of these little things people don't realise they're even doing add up to a huge thing, discrmination.

I was able to sit up 2 weeks ago and shortly after, to get out of bed for the first time in six weeks. Now I'm out of hospital in a lovely house by the sea full of friends who've offered to look after me. It's fantastic and they are all ace and really want to help and are, but some are unknowingly discriminating. I'm sure a few well placed commemts will clear it up and then this will be fantastic. As important as environment is and despite how much I like it, as much freedom of choice and independence as my injuries allow is most important to me.

I'm still getting round what I've survived and have ahead, and I've been on the frontline and am probably on balance the most broadly informed and motivated person there is about my situation. I wouldn't expect anyone else to understand yet. I know a bit about biology and toxicology and psychology and I have in no way damaged my brain. I don't need anyone to decide what I do when and am currently in command of a massive (legal) drugs arsenal directed at myself. I'm also keen to see my mates...

ranting